Marital Task Management

I don't want to get bogged down in stereotypes, but there are some things that have, over the years, in my marriage at least, been shown to be better done by one or the other of us.

Things that one of us just does better than the other. Or doesn't hate it.

1. Electronics - Mark should always handle this. I really have no clue how anything works. I just want it to work.

2. Cooking - Mark is a better cook. I rock the basics, such as pasta dishes, breakfast foods, casseroles, crock pot meals and your run-of-the-mill baked goods. Fancier stuff scares me. I don't think we'd ever eat nicer meals if Mark didn't feel inspired to prepare them.

3. Dishes - this one's all me. Mark can't get a dish really clean by hand. He was raised with a dishwasher, whereas I was not. I don't like this one bit as I have been doing dishes since I was seven years old!

4. Bills - me again. From the moment we moved in together 18 1/2 years ago I've been handling the bills. I don't even know how Mark would do them. I have no clue what his system would be. I've never let him try. I have a hard time understanding how other women could give up this responsibility.

5. Car maintenance - I don't even drive!

6. Laundry - this I believe either of us can do equally well. The one caveat being Mark's physical ability to go up and down the stairs carrying a laundry basket these days. Wait, I have a second caveat. He has no clue about doing the kids' laundry. I mean, I suppose he would do it the same way as ours, but he never has.....Hmm.

7. Going to work - so Mark. While I have had a job outside the home during our relationship, he continues to, even in spite of his health problems, because he is just that kind of guy. He is an outgoing people person and does so much better when he gets out and sees other people.

8. Appointments - me, me, ME. Mark has terrible short-term memory, and even though we use a big ass wall calendar where I write everything down, he still can't keep things straight. The only time I've forgotten an appointment was due to Mark not telling me about one he made. I was pleasantly surprised when he took it upon himself to write AJ's conference time on the calendar. I mean, I stood there staring at it thinking, "Really?"

9. Yardwork - Both. Now that we own a house (we rented for so long), this is a new chore for us to navigate. And it has a huge learning curve! Our yard is very small and we just started gardening last spring. This one has really been a joint venture. I never thought in a million years I'd mow a lawn, but I don't have a choice since, like carrying a laundry basket, it's a bit too much for Mark physically. Besides the mohawk I gave the grass a few weeks ago, I think I'm doing alright with it!

10. Parenting - Both, obviously. For example, our sleep schedules are such that we have organically grown into a routine where I am in charge in the mornings and Mark is at night. I am always the one to get the kids off to school and Mark barks orders at them at bedtime. When the kids are getting under my skin, Mark is able to be the patient one, and vice versa. Mark has always been a very hands-on dad, which is one of the things I love most about him.

So how do things work in your household? Anything like mine, or totally different?

Linked with Monday Listicles.

At a Loss

My daughter has Attention Deficit Disorder. She doesn't really have the hyperactivity factor, so I leave the H out. Her problems are inattention and impulsiveness. She is forgetful and disorganized.

Camryn struggles a great deal in school. If I'm being honest, in everything that is a responsibility, really.

My biggest concern is school, though. She is currently in 7th grade. Middle school has been a shock to her system. ADD kids tend to mature at a slower rate than their peers, so the things that are expected of every other kid her age are a bit more daunting for Cami. It's like she doesn't quite 'get' things they way she ought to. Or rather, the way she is expected to.

My daughter doesn't fit into a pretty little box. Her brain works differently. She processes differently.

I think she had an actual panic attack during a portion of the state testing last week! She felt dizzy and was having a hard time catching her breath. She was having such a hard time we had to pick her up and bring her home.

Her dad and I have been banging our heads up against the school walls for years now, but most especially since Camryn entered middle school in 6th grade. I thought surely by now, nearly the end of 7th grade, she'd have figured things out, gotten into a groove and would be able manage.

But we still struggle. And it is all of us, not just her. She is struggling to hold it all together, and failing, quite literally. But we as her parents are struggling with how else to help her. What more can we do that we haven't already done?

We are good parents. Mark and I do all the things we should do for our kids. We are very interested in their schooling. We have had teachers thank us profusely for being the kind of parents who attend all the conferences, make sure homework gets done, email the teachers with questions and ask for feedback on our kids. We aren't active in the PTA, but we are attentive to what is going on with our children.

But now? Now I am at a loss as to how to help Camryn do better in school. Her teachers tell me they care, that I can email them with questions anytime, and Cami even has a 504 plan. However, I feel like I hit a wall whenever I try to communicate with her teachers, and her counselor is pretty much a non-entity due to budget cuts.

I don't know what I can reasonably expect of her as an ADD kid. Should I be expecting her to talk to her teachers herself and relay the information to me? It doesn't seem to work at all. Just yesterday I told her to talk to her science teacher about the F she currently has in his class. I asked her about it when she got home. Camryn said she did talk to him, but could not, for the life of her, remember what he said.

What am I supposed to do with that?

Camryn's inattention makes her come off as flighty and unconcerned. I must admit, it often feels to me like she just doesn't care and sometimes that makes me very impatient with her. But I know that can't be the case, because I also know a bright, inquisitive and curious child who has these moments of clarity and perceptiveness.

She isn't dumb. But I sure feel dumb not knowing what to do to help her.

Middle school isn't the be all, end all, but high school kind of is, and I feel like we're running out of time to prepare her for it.

We need some extra help, and I think that it will have to come in the form of a counselor for Camryn. Perhaps we should have had her in behavioral therapy already. I just really thought we had a handle on things because she doesn't necessarily have any behavioral problems per se. We have been lucky on that end of possible ADD issues.

This feeling of helplessness is just the worst.


Linked with Pour Your Heart Out.

Pop Culture Enthusiast

I adore all things pop culture.

Well, except celebrity rumors and gossip. I mean, I'm just as curious as the next person as to what it's like to be a celebrity, if they're happy and things like that. However, I do not think we regular folk have the right to invade their privacy as much as we sometimes do. Would I like it if the entire world were scrutinizing every little thing in my life? I don't think so.

But to be entertained by talented people, those who can do things I cannot and usually look really good doing so? Also, to be transported to other worlds, see new perspectives, be inspired by song lyrics, boogy to the beat or laugh out loud?

I'm all about that stuff.

I may even be a bit addicted. Especially to television. Have been my whole life, I think. I blame my father who fostered my love of Star Trek and got all mushy over Little House on the Prairie. Oh, but I mustn't forget that it was my mother who made me love daytime soaps.

So of course I just had to answer the following questions....

1. What was one of your favorite shows as a kid? Why?

I already mentioned Little House. Seriously, it was my favorite childhood show. Hands down. The trials and tribulations of Ma, Pa, Mary, Laura (Half Pint)....Doc Baker, the Olesons and Mr. Edwards were of paramount importance!

It was my favorite because I could see myself in Laura and my dad in Pa. Ironically, later on, I could also see myself in Mary (when she went blind). Little House on the Prairie is quite a bit responsible for teaching me right from wrong, family love and loyalty and hope.

I also grew up on The Cosby Show, Family Ties, Growing Pains, The Facts of Life, Who's the Boss?....then 21 Jump Street, The Wonder Years, 90210 and Melrose Place. I watched Days of Our Lives for several years because it was on right after school. My mother got me addicted to All My Children.

2. Which actress(es) do you see on the red carpet and kinda wish you could be for a day (or three)?

I have become a big fan of Anne Hathaway. I don't think I've ever seen anything she was in that I didn't like. She is multi-talented, beautiful and classy. I also always enjoy Julia Roberts.

3. Which actor do you wish you could, um... hang out with? ;)

Just one? Josh Duhamel. I have had a major crush on him since he played Leo du Pres on All My Children. The only problem is, his wife is Fergie and she intimidates me. And damn, if they don't make a good looking couple!

4. What is one (or two or some) of your favorite movies that you have seen in the last few years?

Speaking of Joshie, I liked Life As We Know It from 2010. Back to 2009 was the new J.J. Abrams Star Trek, which I LOVE, and The Lovely Bones, which I thought was made very well. And probably the best movie I saw in 2011 was The Help. I just saw Iron Man 3. I cannot get enough of Tony Stark and could have listed Robert Downey, Jr for #3.

5. Who is one celebrity out there now that you could totally do without? That you wish would just disappear?

I am not a fan of Nicki Minaj. Or Chris Brown. *shakes head

6. Have you ever met a celebrity? If so, who? What did you say/do when you met them?

I have not ever met a celebrity, but Kevin Costner did visit the drama students at my high school when he was in Lake Tahoe filming The Bodyguard. That's as close as I've come.

My husband, on the other hand, met Michael Landon (Pa!) and Victor French when they were filming Highway to Heaven. Hakeem Olajuwon was a customer at Bed, Bath & Beyond and John Madden was a customer at EXPO Design Center when Mark worked for those stores in California.

7. Which shows do you look forward to watching every week?

Depends on the week, really, because shows come and go throughout the year. I have a LONG list. You wanna see it? Are you sure?

I watch:
Once Upon a Time
Revenge
The Walking Dead
Sister Wives
Long Island Medium
Bones
Switched at Birth
The Bachelor/ette
Castle
Dancing with the Stars
Parenthood
Modern Family
American Horror Story
Grey's Anatomy
Scandal
Gold Rush
True Blood
Game of Thrones
Downton Abbey
The Following

Also, All My Children is back with half hour episodes on Hulu. I don't know if I should count that. And um...I've been re-watching The Tudors for the past several weeks since reading Philippa Gregory's The White Queen and The Red Queen which, ahem, are being made into a series that I will have to watch, because anything about the history of the British royals I must consume.

Please don't judge me!

Happy Mother's Day!

My kids made me breakfast all by themselves!

Camryn made me this huge "card" and said I'm

"THE BEST MOM IN THE WORLD!"

My son painted a rock, making it a ladybug,

just like his sister did when she was his age.

(Of course I still have hers too!)

Mark found the perfect card for AJ to give me....

Front:

It's Mother's Day, Mom -

Forget about cleaning!

Forget about laundry!

Forget about chores!

Inside:

Pretend you're me!

PERFECT.

My favorite motherhood quote.

Happy Mother's Day!