Rain On Me

It is STILL raining!  Enough already!

We got a big load of stuff over to the house today!  Then we went to Jo-ann's where we found red and white VINYL to recover our dining chairs.  So glad Mark found that cuz it'll WIPE CLEAN! And be very much like diner chairs!  He can be so useful sometimes. ;-)  We also went to Wal-mart to pick up some things I ordered and get a trash can and light bulbs for the house.  Looked at curtains for the slider too but didn't find any I loved, just sorta liked, so didn't get any.

Speaking of curtains, the guy at Jo-ann's (yes a guy!) who measured and cut the vinyl for me guessed my kitchen theme to be Coke.  Then he asked me if I had curtains yet.  He said they have some nice red and white checkered fabric.  I told him I don't sew (all I need to recover the chairs is our staple gun) and he proceeded to tell me about the tapes and such I could use.  Haha!  I don't really know what I want in curtains, just know I do NOT want what the former owner left.  Camryn found hot pink curtains she wants for her room.  Mark goes, "you have blinds!"  Men!

Everything we're doing is wearing me out but in such a good way.  Our house looks great and I love it!  Might not be perfect, may only have a small backyard or whatever, but it's pretty cool and just right for us.  I'm very happy, but not necessarily excited right now.  Mark asked me if I was and I had to think about it for a minute.  I decided I'll be excited when we start sleeping there, and even more when we say goodbye to our apartment and are actually living in our house.

I'll also be excited when this rain stops!!

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet." ~James Openheim

Need to Pack!

Mark and I got the painting done yesterday!  Just some touch-ups necessary where color strayed onto white and to use some Goof-off on some of the baseboards (guess we shouldn't have trusted the tape quite so much).  Now Mark is super antsy to get moved in.  I think we will try to be able to start sleeping there on the 11th since that is a Friday and last full week of school, and Mark will have the following week completely off so he can drive Cami over here to school for the last few days.  Will have to ask a friend to pick her up on Monday and Wednesday tho.  We shall see how it goes....

Godmother extraordinaire Jen has sent a gift card for Cami to buy spray glitter for the rest of her walls.  That should be fun. (Not being sarcastic.)

I really just need the rest of life to go away so I can focus on packing!  But no, I still have laundry and dishes to do, and to think about what to have for dinner every night, as well as homework and a stupid science project.  Why can't life be like a DVR?  Just push pause and leave it there til you're ready to resume.  Oh, and Mark left me another thing to do cuz he forgot some paperwork for dialysis.  So I had to run over to the office in the rain and fax it.  Sheesh.

We found our mailbox yesterday.  It's number 4.  Why are they numbered 1-12?  Those numbers don't correspond to the house numbers nor lot numbers.  Looking at the boxes I figured we were either 2 or 4 cuz of where our house is on the block.  So glad we have an outgoing mailbox too!

What should my quote be for today......?  Let's see, I think this about sums it up: "Responsibility's like a string we can only see the middle of. Both ends are out of sight." ~William McFee, Casuals of the Sea, 1916

Rainy Day

It's a totally rainy day today, which hasn't happened for awhile now.  Spring weather in Washington is a mixed bag of sun and rain off and on and off and on and.... But today it's just plain rainy.  Blah.  I don't hate the rain generally.  How can I when I chose to live here?  I appreciate how fresh and green and clean it makes everything.  BUT it does start getting old around this time of year.

We got the ball rolling on our First-Time Home Buyer rebate yesterday.  Just a little change of address fudging.  We changed our address with the bank and the DOL even though we aren't technically living there yet.  It really is like we have 2 homes right now.  Besides, if it's going to take up to 4 months to get the check, we WILL be living there then!

Camryn didn't get lost during the field trip to Olympia - yay!  She seemed to think it was pretty cool.

Mark is partially bipolar I swear.  Maybe I should say he's PHYSICALLY bipolar?  It's not mental.  It has to do with how he feels on a given day.  He feels pretty darn good on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays and is usually raring to go.  Then on dialysis days he's blah.  Sunday is a toss-up.  Yesterday, being Tuesday, he was all fired up.  He worked, came home and grabbed me and AJ to go to the DOL, then came back and grabbed Cami to go to H&R Block.  When we got home he decided something for dinner and ran to the store for what he needed, came home and made it.  After dinner he decided to pack up the curio cabinet.  I told him my head was spinning!

I have plans tonight for a GNO at Jessica's house.  We need to get together before Gwen sets off on her cross-country trip with the fam.  Gwen has also decided that she needs to go see the midnight showing of Sex & the City 2 tonight.  She tried to drag the rest of us with her, but I think Jess is the only one she suckered into it.  Yeah, we'll see if I manage to resist the peer pressure later on tonight!  That girl is crazy!  Maybe everyone I know is crazy!  But I'm not. ;-)  I can't be up half the night watching a silly movie when tomorrow is Thursday and Mark has the day completely off!  We need to get back over to the house to finish the painting upstairs and it would be great to be able to do that in the morning while both kids are in school.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Bummed that we probably won't see Carin tonight cuz she's not feeling well.  I miss her!

"Perception is a clash of mind and eye, the eye believing what it sees, the mind seeing what it believes." ~Robert Brault

Getting things done...

Painting the walls in the house over the weekend went very well.  I wasn't expecting my dad to help paint cuz he hadn't offered to help with that specific chore, but he did, both Saturday and Sunday.  Aunt Renee came on Saturday and both she and Uncle Larry came back on Sunday.  They were all so helpful in different ways and we appreciate it so much!  (Even if the menfolk stood around blabbing about politics a lot!)

I simply ADORE our color choices!  For the record, I do not have a hate on for the color green.  On the contrary, I quite like green.  I have a very green duvet on my bed!  But, the particular shade of green the former owner had chosen, that there was so much of it and that our sofa would completely clash with it, made it necessary to do away with it.  Anyway, AJ's blue and orange look fabulous, as does Cami's purple.  I can't wait to find some spray glitter for her other walls!

All we have left to paint now is the loft wall, and maybe a little more in the kids' rooms, second coats or touch-ups, or even a second purple wall for Cami.  Need to get some goof-off to remove paint drips from baseboards.  And then we're gonna have to have the carpets cleaned.  Mark gets a discount from Chem Dry through Home Depot.  We'll have to see how much of the house we can afford to do.  I really hope we can do all of it as I would love to know I'm moving into a fresh clean house!

I must remember that I want to get some denim or canvas fabric to recover our dining chair cushions!  I need to grab the red paint swatch from the house and take that with me to Jo-ann's...

Next, we will be packing up all non-essentials and probably using my dad's Tahoe to transport to the house.  Will take all scrapbooking/craft stuff, my curio and its contents, everything stored in closets and dwindle our kitchen supplies to bare bones.  In a couple more weeks we can probably take a big freezer over, and our friends Roxy & Cale want our washer & dryer for their new house, so we don't have to move those.  I'm pretty much just "thinking out loud" here....

Camryn is on a field trip to Olympia today, which is causing me some anxiety due to the fact that she kept losing her buddies at Great Wolf Lodge.  She better stay close to her group at all times!

We will be going to H&R Block this afternoon to amend our tax return in order to receive the first-time home-buyer rebate...which I still need to print proof of our change of address for.  AH, I need to stop doing this now!

"For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe." ~Author Unknown **HOW??

A little overwhelmed

We started painting the new house yesterday.  Made some good progress but it can't go fast enough for me.  I need this part to be done so I can feel like we can actually start moving over there.  I'm enjoying learning to paint, but doing it well is harder than I thought.  Been thinking the woman who lived there before did a crappy job, but now I kinda think she just did the best she could!

In the meantime, the kids still have school and I still have to keep up on things at the apartment, which is where we still live.  Nothing like being in limbo!  Camryn also has a science project and she is going with Girl Scouts to Great Wolf Lodge for one big blow-out night tonight.  Tomorrow is Roxy's daughter's birthday party and I'd really like to go....

My dad came over to the house and mowed the lawn and weed-whacked.  So awesome!  It hailed on him even!

All this and all I wanna do is play facebook games and blog??  Really trying not to be a procrastinator.  I really don't think I am.  Mark doesn't help when he says "do what you can do and just relax".  Don't tell me to relax!!

I wish there were more people around us right now, more help.  Everyone says they're so happy for us, but they don't have time to come help.  It's not like I'm not used to it.  Mark and I have done so much on our own over the years.  Trying not to let it bother me.  I understand that everyone has lives of their own, maybe it's bad timing....whatever.... I know I'm also a lot more open and wanting to share my life than other people.  And it's not that I had all these expectations and I'm disappointed.  Guess it's hard to explain.  I know we are loved.  I just wish words would match actions a little more.

"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." ~Eric Fromm

Crazies!

So I had a really crappy thing happen to me yesterday.

We spent the afternoon at the house doing some things. We had our kids and Henesee, who played, going back and forth from the house to the playground. They would go to the playground and come back and report on kids they met and such. AJ met another 4-y-o boy and the girls met a 9-y=o boy. Towards the end of the day they came back huffing that they had met some bullies. We told them to ignore rude kids, or maybe go back and say, "hey we're new here, please don't be rude", or something like that. They went back and came back to the house again, still complaining about the rude kids. I wasn't really doing anything at that point so I offered to walk back over there with them to see what was going on. Wasn't planning to DO anything, just observe.

So we're over there but the kids who were being rude had left. Then we ran back over to the house cuz AJ needed to pee, then they asked me to go with them again and I did. This time those kids were back, a girl around Cami's age, a boy maybe 6 or 7 and a little girl, 2 1/2 or 3. The older girl started in on Cami and Henesee about being rude to her little sister. Henesee argued with this girl and i told her to stop and ignore her, but the other girl kept spouting off. I asked, "what the heck is the problem?", but then she just up and decided that they should just go home. OK, whatever.

So I'm sitting on a bench and the kids are playing. Some more people start showing up to play. At one point I noticed AJ doing something at the top of the play structure that I thought was too dangerous so I went up there to talk to him. While I was up there with him Cami came over and was sliding down the tall pole (you know, most play structures have a sliding pole?), and AJ wanted to try. So I helped him do it, he liked it and wanted to do it more. More kids started up the steps of the structure, so I got off to get out of the way. I stood on the ground next to the sliding pole in order to help AJ if he needed it. Suddenly all the stinking kids wanted a turn sliding down the pole so a line formed. There were quite a few kids crowding onto the platform and this one little girl got bumped off, the 3-or-so-y-o I mentioned before. She didn't fall to the ground, she was hanging onto the platform and a handle and trying to pull herself back up. I was standing right there and tried to tell her if she just put her legs down she could let go and drop to the ground and it wouldn't be too far and she wouldn't get hurt. She just kept clinging to the platform so I stepped forward and offered to help her. I got my hands under her arms and lifted her down. She was upset and kinda crying and I tried to reassure her that she was fine.

But as soon as I got her on the ground, her mother comes flying around the structure, shoves me hard and starts screaming at me. I was completely shocked and stunned and I think I said something like, "Whoa, what the hell are you doing?" She grabbed her daughter and just kept screaming at me things like how dare you touch my daughter, you hurt her arm, she's autistic, you're a crazy bitch for thinking you can just grab some one's child like that....! I tried to tell her to calm down, that I was trying to help, but she shoved me again, knocking one earpiece of my glasses off. I took my glasses off my face and she got in my face and her eyes were huge and crazed. She just kept screaming at me. In the background I could hear my kids crying and Cami telling her to stop doing that to her mommy.

Someone who was with this crazy woman came over and moved her away from me. Didn't say anything to me, just got the crazy woman out of my face. But then her shithead son tried getting in my face pointing at me and telling me to never touch his sister again. I looked down at him and very calmly told him to get out of my face. Then Mark called saying he was just about ready to go and I told him there was a crazy woman screaming at me so he jumped in the car to come over to the playground. By this time Henesee had also gotten the idea to go get Mark and was halfway back to the house. The kids and I just started walking back and we met Mark on the street. I was still doing OK at this point, still just stunned by what happened. Mark wanted to go to the playground and find this woman and give her a piece of his mind, but I told him no, let's just lock up and leave.

So he backed up to the house and got out to lock up and I started crying. When he got back in the car and saw me crying he REALLY wanted to find that woman and he did drive back over to the playground, but everyone had left cuz it had started sprinkling. He said we could call the police cuz she had physically assaulted me. I said I have no idea who she is, where she lives, if she even lives in this neighborhood or was just visiting. I also said it was just one incident so I didn't think calling the cops was necessary for a first time thing. So we just left.

I cried all the way home. Mark fumed all the way home. I got in the shower and cried some more. I have NEVER had someone do anything like that to me. I finally stopped crying about halfway through my shower but I was so very down, sad, blue, whatever. On the way home, even tho I was crying, I tried to make the kids feel better. Made a joke with Henesee that I needed her mom with me back there. She laughed and agreed. Carmena doesn't take any shit from anyone and probably would've clocked the bitch! I also said to the 3 of them that I guess now they know if they ever see that little girl again, not to touch her!

I called and told Jessica about it. She too said I could've called the police. She tried to make me feel better by saying I have a good story to tell at the next girl's night. I'm just hoping we have some nice neighbors! This experience was pretty disheartening and squashed some of the excitement we've been feeling. This morning Henesee said she didn't want us to move there. AJ and Cami have said similar things, but Mark told them we own that house and we're gonna live there. It really scared the kids. Gawd, what a psycho bitch!!

Mark was so nice to me all last night. He kept checking on me while I was doing things, and watched me a lot while we were eating dinner. He handed me a glass of wine right after AJ went to bed. Poor guy. I know he wanted to defend my honor and he didn't get the chance. I told him it wouldn't have helped me if he had been there and started screaming back at her. He said he's "gotten a lot calmer" in his "old age", that he would've let her say her piece then he would've said his. I told him I don't think she would've listened. He said he just didn't like that his family needed him and he wasn't there. Ouch. That made tears spring to my eyes again!

So my quote for today is this: "The sum which two married people owe to one another defies calculation. It is an infinite debt, which can only be discharged through eternity." ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Paint!

Never-ending piles of laundry are getting in the way of me starting to pack! Don't need to explain details cuz who really wants to read about vomit and pee? Yuck. Then my beloved husband asks me this morning, "You haven't washed any socks?" Umm....NO!

But we did go measure our walls, pick out colors and spent a small fortune on paint and painting supplies. Thank God we got our earnest and appraisal money back! I'm excited to paint and make things look the way I want them to look, but I'm also scared. I've never painted a wall before in my life! And it looks like the lady who owned our house before hadn't either cuz I'm told she did a pretty crappy job. I also hope it doesn't take forever and a day to do the painting.

We also bought a new computer desk at Staples, and I'm shopping for a twin storage bed for AJ. Thinking about one Walmart sells that gets good reviews.

Turns out it's not as easy as we thought to amend our taxes to get the first-time home-buyer tax rebate. We have to go to H&R Block with our final HUD and TWO forms of proof that we LIVE in the house, which we don't yet. But, all it will take is a call to the utility company to put our names on the account for the house and to change our mailing address with the bank. Will do that tomorrow. Not as if the bank mails us anything anyway.

The other thing going on right now is that Camryn is required to do a science project due June 3. She is thinking about growing crystals. Shouldn't be too hard, but we have to get started like TODAY!

I'm not really good at being busy, so I hope I can take everything in stride and not have any major meltdowns. Will just keep reminding myself that this is FUN and I WANT to do this and it's a BLESSING! Yeah, we'll see if it feels that way when my arm is falling off from painting.....

"The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store." ~Kin Hubbard

A home of our own

The other day I wondered if we'd be able to enjoy finally closing on our house because of all the stress we were feeling. The answer is yes, we are enjoying it very much!

Today was so cool. Mark got the key to the front door from our realtor Wendy. (Apparently the other keys and garage door opener are with the escrow company.) So we gathered up a notepad, tape measure, camera (which turned out to have dead batteries), frozen pizza and a special bottle of wine and went over to OUR HOUSE. I had the kids bring something they'd like to put in their rooms to help it feel personal for them.

First thing we did was measure both the kid's rooms to see if one was bigger than the other. If one was bigger, Cami would get it, but if they were the same, they'd just have to figure out who wanted which room. Turns out one is a few inches bigger, so Cami claimed it.

We had a fun time wandering around and talking about where we'll put stuff. My dad came over too and of course we talked a lot with him about how to set up our living room and the all important electronics! The kids ventured over to the playground and back twice. We cooked our pizza in our new oven (gas!) and discovered that the previous owner took the cool fridge she had and left a plain old normal one. Oh well. Like I care right now!

Again I have to say I can't believe this is happening! It's so fun....and emotional. I could cry at any moment. But I would be crying because of happiness and gratitude, which is wonderful. Oh ok, there I go! ;;-)

My quote today is: "The best way to get something done is to begin." ~Author Unknown because now we have to start PACKING!

Stress/Relief

"We live longer than our forefathers; but we suffer more from a thousand artificial anxieties and cares. They fatigued only the muscles, we exhaust the finer strength of the nerves." ~Edward George Bulwer-Lytton

*deep breath* Ahh, OK. The past 2 days have been a couple of the most stressful I've had in a long time!

The process of buying a house is a roller coaster. Stress as you're looking at houses, relief when you find one you like, stress while you wait to find out if your offer is accepted, relief when the answer is yes, stress while you have the inspection done and sign the loan applications, relief when all is good and you're in escrow, stress when there are last minute hoops to jump through for your loan, relief when that's taken care of, stress while you wait for escrow to call with the final documents, relief when they do, stress when they think you owe money at closing, relief when it's confirmed that you in fact do not, stress getting through the paperwork and FINALLY relief that it's all done! And there is so much more emotion to it when it's been a long time coming and a lot of things to fall into place to happen. And, AND, more stress is added when your husband is sick at the same time!

I honestly never thought this day would come. How could I have known that a shift in the state of our economy would lend this opportunity for us to afford to buy a house? Who knew that I'd eventually become a full-fledged grown-up and actually WANT this? I sure didn't know! But I do know that everything happens for a reason and in its own time (or in God's time). I know this was meant to be...not before, but right now, right here, this house. I love knowing that. And I will love our home. I think I already do!

Now comes the process of moving. It's gonna be a busy time, but I think this will be the most fun move we've ever done, and should be our last for a long time to come. We always seem to move around June (wonder why that is). But it's great cuz we'll have all summer to get settled in and used to our new surroundings and then jump into next Fall and the new school year.

I am so grateful. For the opportunity to buy and live in a house, that I managed to open myself up to it, for all the support our friends and family show us every day and for great professionals who took good care of us during the process.

"Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights." ~Pauline R. Kezer

Mother's Day

I and we had a pretty rough day.

Mark has been sick with what has been initially diagnosed as bronchitis for the past week. He went to the walk-in clinic last Monday, had a chest x-ray and got an Rx for super antibiotics. Dr said it wasn't pneumonia, just bronchitis, but it could become pneumonia if we're not careful. So Mark struggled through the course of antibiotics and the continued coughing and seemed to be getting better. He went back to work on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, did a little shopping with me yesterday afternoon and went out with his friends last night. He also went to work this morning. He has continued to cough, but it seems like less. But he has what he describes as a constant lump in his throat making it hard for him to eat very much at one time because it just won't go down, and his stomach keeps getting upset.

When he got home from work today he was pretty tired so he laid down. Well then his blood sugar got really low. It took awhile but I got him out of it (ended up using Glucogon) and we went out to eat. You know what.....all these details don't flipping matter! The bottom line is that lunch sucked, we came home and Mark sat on the couch and fell asleep, the kids just went and played with their friends and I did nothing in particular.

This is really stressing us out. We are supposed to close on our house tomorrow or Tuesday but will we even enjoy it, or just keep feeling this tense and worried crap we're feeling right now? I HATE it when Mark gets sick on top of his normal sick. It just isn't fair. And it hurts me to the point that I want to cry and throw things and curse God. And it freaking scares me! the longer Mark and I are married, the longer I know him and love him, the more I want him with us forever. I need him. The kids need him. I know he's just got something going on, but these blips that pop up serve to remind us that......the worst could happen. And that is really rucking scary, and just hard at the least.

I try to hard to remain focused on the positive, and so does Mark....normally. But when he gets sick on top of the sick, his attitude goes in the toilet. And that really hurts me too. And damn it we are about to buy a house for crying out loud and THIS is exactly what we DON'T need right now!

Mark said today things always end up being OK, but maybe bittersweet. That God always takes care of us, but we don't get the sweet without the bitter, and it makes us appreciate the sweet more. I know that's right, but it's still just hard and frustrating and NOT FAIR! I'm doing all the things I normally do, praying, trusting, trying to think about it logically.....but right now....my emotions definitely have the better of me and I am not a happy camper.

I think tomorrow morning Mark won't go to work and will go back to the walk-in clinic or his primary doc for another chest x-ray. Will also call Dr. Kuan and maybe he can go see him at dialysis. He just can't end up in the hospital because we have to do the closing. God, why can't it be easier?

I am just a wreck and don't care about including any quotes today.

Good News

I got an email from Kathleen this morning that the loan documents were sent to escrow yesterday and they will be calling us on Monday to set up our signing appointment. I was so relieved when I read that! Each step makes it feel more real. We are SO excited!

Went out to the Everett Mall today to the T-Mobile store to upgrade Mark's phone. Stopped in to Old Navy afterwards. Why can't I find shirts I like?

Today's quote:
The sweetest sounds to mortals given
Are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven.
~William Goldsmith Brown

The Back-up Plan

Just now, right now, sitting her to start this post, I realized that the title of the movie I saw tonight could also apply to the fact that our house didn't close today.

Our closing date was May 7, but because of the last minute, absolutely necessary letters saying we will be disabled and continue to receive SS for at least 3 more years the date had to be pushed out a few days. Hence, a "back-up plan". It's pretty anti-climactic. I hope whichever day we do close is still happy and exciting and not just "oh OK, here it is".

We didn't go to the Direct Buy open house because we couldn't secure childcare. Mark seemed OK with it earlier, but after I came home from the movie he told me about his evening with the kids and said, "Yeah, so everyone got what they wanted today except me." He was in a good mood when he told me to go ahead and go to the movie, and left with AJ to pick Cami up from Girl Scouts. And it sounded like the kids were well behaved. But he let Henesee spend the night and I guess she and Cami gave him some trouble when it was bedtime and then he was just done. He did have a long day with both work and dialysis. Geez, by the time he got home from dialysis I had forgotten that he also went to work early this morning. OK, well now I feel like we should definitely go to the open house thing next Friday if we can. I'm glad he gets to go out with his friends tomorrow night down to Seattle to see Iron Man 2 at the IMAX theater. Even though I really want to see it too! Can we say HOT??

Today's quote: "A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." ~Tenneva Jordan

PS: Mark and I met 16 years ago today! <3

The Morning After

I totally forgot to blog last night before bed!

Yesterday started out nice and normal. Mark went to work, kids went to school, Mark came home, I walked to the library to pick up my next book, we squared away AJ's preschool registration for next Fall, he and Mark played Mario Bros. while I started a load of laundry and puttsed around. Then Cami came home and started some bickering with AJ which totally irritated Mark and then things got weird.

Mark got in one of those moods where no one can do anything right and everything was bothering him. To him, the kids were being little buttheads and I was too tuned out. I supposedly cared more about the computer or talking to Jessica on the phone than him. It was extremely frustrating and almost made me cry. In his defense, he is really wound up waiting for the house to close and his blood pressure has been running a little high.

We decided to go out to dinner and that went well. Except I was very distracted by my thoughts the whole time. I'm very disheartened by my friend Sierra's behavior ever since she announced she is divorcing her husband. Quite frankly, she's in a really weird place and for some reason that means she needs to be a complete bitch to Jessica. This makes me feel like Sierra's friendship in general, to Jessica, me, all of us, has been a lie. It makes me feel like she never really cared about any of us. I feel duped. How can she be so cold? How can I have cared so much about someone who can be so cold? I know I'm not always the best judge of character, but man, she really had me snowed. I don't trust her anymore and question her motives entirely. I haven't spoken to Sierra since my birthday. I have no idea how to be or what to say to her right now. I'm avoiding it, actually. I would love to be able to be completely honest with her, but a big part of me thinks she doesn't even care. Sierra is never wrong. She's got it all figured out. So I'm just sticking to the old adage of "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". What else can I do? She won't listen to me. She's not listening to anyone but herself. She is burning her bridges big time. I feel so sad that friendships that took a long time to build are being tossed aside. And perhaps I'm doing some of the tossing, but how can I continue to be friends with someone who I totally don't get anymore, who is being downright mean to another friend of mine and is making me feel like a fool for ever letting her into my heart? I feel like every nice thing Sierra has done is now tainted with doubt.

OK, anyway.... Mark has this thing he wants us to go to tonight but we need a babysitter. Don't know if that will pan out. It's a Direct Buy presentation. I don't really want to do it, but I feel like I have to or Mark will think I just always say no to things he wants. We shall see...

Yesterday's quote was: "Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children." ~William Makepeace Thackeray

Wiped Out

I have been SO tired today. I mean like totally not normal tired. Tired enough to doze on the couch while AJ watched Shrek and to lie down on the couch between dinner and bath time. All I can figure is the home loan paperwork drama of the past couple days and Mark keeping me up half the night coughing and retching is why.

BREAKING NEWS: My 9-year-old daughter saw her first puberty video at school today! She is a little worried about getting her period. I told her it's really not that bad, just a change she will have to get used to. I told her the first time especially is easy to deal with. She asked me how old I was and when I said 13 I could tell she was a little relieved it wouldn't be happening tomorrow. Although they did tell her some girls start at 9, but she quite smartly figured that wasn't happening to her since she's already almost 10. Guess you can't argue with that.

What I'm loving about this is that she totally TALKED TO ME about it! I reminded her that she also has the book I got her and that she can talk to me about whatever she needs to. And then I said when she gets closer to her period coming I would be sure to buy her some pads and whatnot for her to have ready. Really can't believe we're already at this place! I have a great girl and I love her so much.

Kathleen called and said that our doctor letters were perfect. So now the underwriter has everything and will be working on getting all the paperwork together for closing. She said we should push out the date to next Wednesday, but it may happen sooner if they can get everything ready and coordinate a time when we can all be available. Then there's a day or 2 more when they have to do some behind the scenes stuff and then they'll arrange to get us the keys. So ready for it to be done!

And now I am so ready to go to bed!

Today's quote is one of my favorites: "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~Elizabeth Stone

Terrible Tuesday

Well, it wasn't ALL terrible. I did manage to go get a cute new haircut this morning with makes me happy. :-) See me smiling?

I had wanted to go shopping for Mother's Day cards after our haircuts, but Mark said he wasn't feeling up to it and needed to go home. He was running a low grade temp of 99. He stayed in the bedroom most of the rest of the day with his cough and upset stomach. Temp went away, but he didn't eat a bite all day long and I think totally screwed his stomach up because of it. His blood sugar is out of whack too.

Mark's doctor easily wrote a short letter saying he is in kidney failure requiring dialysis which is a permanent disability. I called my doctor's office 3 times and didn't get a letter by the end of the day. After getting my frustrated email, our mortgage broker opted to call Mark's cell phone to talk to him. Haha. That's fine. Didn't wanna talk to her anyway! Now, I'm not gonna stay mad at her or anything. Can't even say I am now. Doesn't mean I feel like listening to her reasons for making us jump through so many hoops for our loan. Home ownership better be well worth it!

You know, this really means a lot to me now. After years of resistance on my part, thinking it would never happen, we'd never be able to afford it, what do we need a stinkin' house for, we're just fine the way are..... I opened myself up to the idea, said "Carpe Diem!", seized the opportunity sitting right in front of us and ran with it. And I am absolutely counting on it all working out and moving into our cute little house!

I realized today that while I am completely capable of multi-tasking physically, I'm not so much mentally. Meaning Mark's bronchitis and this house drama is making it almost impossible for me to focus on anything else. Camryn didn't want to focus on her homework today and it was all I could do to make her and me stay focused on it. I'm going to try to do better tomorrow.

Today's quote: "When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child." ~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty

Seriously??

I should not still be up, but SERIOUSLY??

This day was full of ups, downs and surprises, and not the good kind. It started with Mark coming home from work because he still felt crappy and just couldn't do it. I got the kids off to school and then the power went out just as I was about to pay our bills, which I need to computer for. After the power came back on I got a call from our mortgage broker Kathleen telling me that we have one more hoop to jump through for our loan. She needs a letter stating we will still be disabled and receiving SS for at least 3 more years. What? I've never heard of such a thing but she swears SS does this sort of thing for people all the time.

So I call SS and they promptly fax over the letter they have for this sort of thing, one to me and one to Mark at dialysis. The letters don't say anything about 3 years, but they say the type of benefits we receive (disability) and the amounts. Well I just read a new email from Kathleen saying this isn't what we needed, they're being sticklers about this 3 year thing. So now I'm quite frustrated and write this back to her:

"I asked SS about the 3 year thing and they said they don't have anything that says something like that, and honestly, they can't. By law SS does periodic disability reviews. They always find the same thing where we're concerned but still, I don't think SS can say today that we'll still be legally disabled in 3 years. And I don't even understand how this 3 year thing can be such a sticking point when there's no guarantee Mark will be working for Home Depot in 3 years. He probably will, but that's not the point. Also, WHY are we being asked for this the week OF closing??

We are both legally disabled, have been for many years now, and will continue to be. My eyes aren't getting any better and Mark doesn't have much prospect of getting off dialysis. We proved that we receive DISABILITY benefits from the Social Security Administration. If we proved disability to them.....

I'm sure you can tell this is frustrating me and I'm sorry. But I can't believe this is seriously being brought to us at the last minute! Don't loan officers understand how big of a deal buying a home is for people? We have had to wait until we are 36 and 41 years old to buy our FIRST house. This is HUGE for us! It just HAS to go smoothly. Do you understand that?

Both Mark and I are available tomorrow (Tuesday)."

I could cry! I'm really trying not to be melodramatic, I swear. But this really is a very big deal in our lives. It just has to be work out!

She did say it could also be a letter from a doctor, which I'm sure Mark could easily get from his nephrologist Dr. Kuan, but what about me? I don't actually have an eye doctor right now. Can my primary do it?

OK...deep breath. There's all that, and some more. The power went out at dialysis probably a little more than half way through Mark's treatment. They don't have a back-up generator so he just has to stop. When he gets home he tells me he should go to the walk-in clinic for a chest x-ray. He says this after he's been lying down on the bed for awhile so I snapped at him, "Well what the heck are you doing then?" To his credit, he got right up and left. X-ray did NOT show pneumonia, but bronchitis. Dr gave him an Rx. I hate his lungs. I know I shouldn't say that. I should say something positive like "I see healthy breathing for Mark...". I would, but I'm just not feeling it at the moment.

I really want a haircut. I was hoping to tomorrow, but somehow I don't really see that happening with all the hoop jumping that needs to be done!

On the bright side, my fingernails are looking very nice lately. I think it might be the new multivitamins I've been taking. And, I love my tattoo so much! I think it is becoming more a part of me every day.

With Mother's Day this weekend my quotes this week will be about motherhood. Here's today's: "It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge." ~Phyllis Diller

Doin Nuthin?

Today was a pretty lazy day for everyone in my house besides me. I'm not saying I spring cleaned the place, but I did get out for a good walk ahead of our approaching storm, got laundry put away and plotted out our budget for the month. Mark didn't even go to work because he wasn't feeling well this morning. The kids had a pajama day. I was a little frustrated all day because of this, feeling like we have all this time and we should do something, but Mark didn't feel well. And I can get bitchy about these things. I know it, I know I shouldn't, but I do and then I feel bad. I just have a hard time with feeling like it's such a waste. But Mark can't help it and he certainly doesn't need me in a mood while he doesn't feel well. How does that help anybody? Luckily he knows me and loves me so when I apologize he tells me it's OK and he even apologizes too.

We are entering the home stretch (haha) toward our closing date on the house! My tummy will be doing flip-flops all week I am sure. One of the things I needed to consider in our budget was paint and packing supplies. How am I supposed to know how much paint we'll need and how much it's gonna cost? Aahh, I just want to sign the papers and get the keys!

At the end of the day I got to watch Minute to Win It, Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters while knitting and drinking a glass of wine!

Today's quote: "While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about." ~Angela Schwindt

A True Day OFF: Part 2

Updated December 19, 2011: Submitting this for...

....because Mommy 2 cents and Chosen Chaos told me to share a post from my very first week of blogging.  I like this one because it illustrates the newness of my blogging career, as it were.

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I feel like I have to write a bit more since the craziness of this afternoon because I realized a little while after posting last that it sounded like I had a full day off with my family yet all I could think about was when I could be alone. It wasn't really like that....but, then again...I mean, so what if it was? I guess that's the way it was in that MOMENT, and there's really nothing wrong with that.

Things totally improved! After Mark's shower he, Cami & I ate cream of wheat for dinner (what? we happen to love the stuff!) and then Mark left. Cami asked if we could look for a movie on demand and when I came across Julie & Julia I said I've been wanting to see that and she said she'd watch it with me, so we did, and it was very nice! She is so funny when people are kissing! She totally doesn't get why people like to do that.

When AJ came home he took a quick bath without any arguments and snuggled with me and Cami for a bit before he announced he was ready for bed (he is SO my kid!). Cami & I finished our movie and now she's in bed too, and I'm sitting here with my yummy birthday wine from Carin a much happier woman than I was earlier!

I wonder if this means I should only blog at the end of the day....or maybe first thing in the morning about the previous day. Yeah, in the future I will try not to blog prematurely. :-)

A True Day OFF

Today was a real day off for everyone - Mark didn't have work or dialysis and the kids didn't have school. This is a rarity for us.

I should back up to last night. Camryn spent the night with her BFF and AJ got the bright idea that he could also spend the night with a friend in the building across from us. Mark went and talked to the kid's dad who wasn't worried if AJ didn't make it through the night, might as well let him try. So for about 5 minutes Mark and I thought we'd have the evening to ourselves (even though I wasn't all that hip on the idea of AJ trying to have a sleepover). So Mark activated our Wii to watch movies on Netflix and we perused our viewing options. We settled on Interview with the Vampire and got comfy. Well, AJ didn't even make it to bedtime, changing his mind at about 8:45 and having his friend walk him home. Our movie choice was not one we could continue with AJ, so we had to stop it. Disappointing I suppose, but I was secretly relieved he decided to come home. I had been imagining myself feeling the need to sleep on the couch in case of a middle-of-the-night freak out!

It was a happy coincidence that Mark got the first Saturday of the month off because it is when Home Depot does their free Kid's Workshops, something we've never done in the time he's been working there. So we took the kids, plus Cami's BFF, over there this morning to build little picket fence planters. Once built, we needed something to plant in them, so we headed to Lawn & Garden for some seed mix and a packet of seeds.

I've recently realized I've finally gotten to a place in my life where I like the idea of gardening. Does this mean I'm getting old? Sure, I like the idea, but will I be successful? I've never been able to keep plants alive before. I wonder if age does have something to do with it. Perhaps I was just too impatient before.....

Anyway, we got our dirt and seeds and headed home. The kids ate lunch and then I helped them plant their seeds and we set the planters out on the patio. We chose seeds that are supposed to grow well in partial shade, so here's hoping we grow some pretty wildflowers!

Henesee went home and then my dad showed up. The kids are always a little bonkers around him so some chaos ensued. Probably didn't help that I had started the dishwasher and a load of laundry, and Mark has a cough. Why does his coughing have to be so loud and sound like death? So things have been loud and crazy here for the past few hours which has been quite irritating. I don't say or mean this very often, but I am actually sick of my family at this point. My dad left and Mark went to take a shower so I made the kids take their obnoxious little selves outside for awhile. Oh, the other thing....Cami is apparently starving and will surely DIE if she doesn't eat something very soon! She's been a bottomless pit all day so forgive me if I think she'll survive until dinner. I'm such a mean mom! I love my husband and children with all my heart......

Fortunately, Mark has a guy's night at his friend Adam's tonight so once I get the kids to bed I will have a quiet night all to myself. I have really yummy wine, shows recorded on the DVR, my knitting, a book on CD, and movies and the computer if all of that isn't enough. Praise be to God!

Quote for the day: "Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." ~ Evan Esar