How I Like Me Now

Seven months ago I stumbled on something that was spreading through the blogosphere called, "What I Like About Me". And I wrote a post for it.

When I look at that post today, I think it kinda sucks. I mean, I used categories, was all matter-of-fact about it. But perhaps that's how I needed to do it - then.

I feel so much different now than I did then. In just 7 short months I feel like so much about myself has changed. The things I listed then still apply, but what I want to list now, are totally different things.

Actually, now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure I have been experiencing these changes in me since I came away from the night of Mark's bypass surgery with PTSD. That was September 21, 2010.

When @finallyMom put out a request for year-end posts about what we learned in 2011 and want to carry with us into 2012, I wrote something for her and, with encouragement from @AdotheMomalog, came up with my very own hashtag: #ShedtheCrap.

So what I like about me now is:

1. I am open to the possibilities. What possibilities? Any! Whatever might come my way.

2. I am shedding the crap I have felt my entire life. I seem to finally be getting old enough to that place in life when you stop caring so much what other people think, start feeling more comfortable with yourself, start to actually know who you really are and what makes you happy. Not saying I know and feel ALL of that right now, today. But I know I'm on my way.

3. So many of the insecurities I've had for AGES are much less of a concern now. I feel considerably more secure in my friendships, for example.

4. I have some wisdom. I have been through a lot, dammit, and I have the scars to prove it! But what I've gained as well, is wisdom.

5. I can confidently say #4 because I LEARN from my experiences. Whether positive or negative, I learn something from every little thing. From interactions in my marriage to parenting to friends & family and blogging too.

6. Speaking of confidence, I have more of it. "Jennifer" and "confident" in the same sentence wasn't something I ever used to say. Again, I think time and experience, as well as blogging, are what are helping these changes come about.

7. I love to laugh and look for the humor in everything. And you really can find it almost everywhere. Even in a hospital worrying about your husband. Even in the middle of sobbing, the tears can turn to laughter on a dime. Shit happens, and a lot of it is funny!

8. I put on my big girl panties every day. I'm not a whiner and don't feel sorry for myself. I don't say "I can't handle this". I might say I don't want to handle it, but I can. And I will. I'm too stubborn not to.

9. I've learned how to state my opinions with tact. Mostly. I think.

10. I'm pretty proud of the kind of mom I am. I am NOT perfect. Neither are my kids. But I know them and love them fiercely. Their needs come before mine, I try to teach them the lessons they need to learn and I make them take baths and brush their teeth.

11. I'm not as uptight as I used to be! I can be spontaneous, I'm not as controlling and I can let things go.

12. (Still not letting go of the even number thing though.) I'm not as shy as I once was. I can more easily talk to strangers and actually come up with interesting things to say in social situations.

Can I do a happy dance now? This took me like 3 days to write!

ALL of these are me, from the little girl squinting in the sun, to the center, most recent.
Daughter, cousin, girl, young lady, woman, wife, mother, friend.
Jennifer, Jenni, Jen, Sweetie, Mommy

I totally almost peed my pants!

source

Guys, I narrowly escaped peeing my pants last night!

Allow me to explain. I was finishing up dinner (BLTAs - yum!) and noticed I needed to go to the bathroom. I excused myself from the table and headed upstairs.

I stepped into my bathroom and immediately felt my nose tickle.

No! I can't sneeze NOW, I've got a full bladder here!

But the sneeze was coming. There was no stopping it.

Instantly my hand flew to between my legs and then I crossed them for good measure, and braced myself for the inevitable by planting my other hand on the little counter.

Let me just stop right here and point out that I was STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE TOILET. Talk about adding insult to injury.

ACHOO! (Holding my crotch with crossed legs, trying not to fall backward. I wish I knew how to do crappy drawings for you.)

OMG I didn't pee! I didn't even leak!

I guess I've done enough kegels.

Yay me!

OMG it's been almost 20 freaking years since I graduated high school!!

I will turn 38 in April. My 20 year high school reunion is being held this summer.

Lo and behold, Rachel at Totally Ovar It asked us to "list the top ten pros/cons of attending your class reunion" for this week's Listicle.

This is a good example of zen blogging. Just sayin'.

Why does it feel so heavy? Seriously, thinking about TWENTY whole years since I was a kid feels heavy. Like, ooph, LIFE.

Not that I'm not happy living life. I love life, my life. It's all good. It's just, that's a pretty long time. And I guess I'm just really feeling that passage of time right now.

OK, so. I did not attend my 10 year high school reunion, and honestly, I highly doubt I will be attending my 20th either. Mostly because I no longer live in or near Lake Tahoe, where I went to high school. But there are other reasons as well.

9 reasons I'm not hip on attending my high school reunions, or CONS of attending them are:

1. The 10 year reunion was held over Labor Day Weekend. Holiday weekends in Lake Tahoe are insanely busy.

2. At the time of the 10 year reunion in 2002, I had a 2 year old and Mark's transplant had failed in February. It wasn't a great year.

3. We still lived in the Bay Area in '02, just 4 hours from Tahoe, so getting there wouldn't have been hard, and my mom lives there so I have a place to stay, but the reunion itself was going to be pricey.

4. My BFF from high school, J.Ho, didn't want to go either.

5. I still don't feel like going to the 20 year reunion.

6. I don't think J.Ho does either.

7. I now live in Washington state, so travel will involve flying, which is very expensive.

8. I just visited Lake Tahoe last summer.

9. Those I liked from high school are on my Facebook anyway.

The one PRO I can think of:

10. Dancing to '80s and '90s music all night! But then again, the Rock of Ages movie is coming out this summer too.

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry I didn't love my step-mother.

I'm sorry for the time I puked my way from my bedroom to the bathroom.

I'm sorry my eyeglasses kept breaking.

I'm sorry I went with mom. I'm sorry I went back with dad.

I'm sorry I wanted to live with my mom when I was 12.

I'm really sorry I didn't do better at staying in touch with my family after I moved.

I apologize for going boy crazy, letting my grades slip and quitting the school band.

I'm sorry for my blind, ugly left eye.

I'm sorry I got pregnant at 16. And I'm sorry I had an abortion. I apologize for not being able to make everyone happy in that situation, and for not telling certain people about it, and for telling others.

I'm sorry you couldn't handle it.

I wish I could have understood geometry and chemistry better. I'm sorry I failed, and that I had to take extra classes in order to graduate.

It sucks that I never got to get a driver's license because of my crappy eyes. Sorry I can't drive and always have to ask for rides, not only for myself, but for my kids too.

I'm sorry I haven't finished earning a college degree.

I'm sorry for falling in love with a Diabetic and making you cry over everything that happens to us.

I'm sorry for making a very important decision for my family and that you put up walls and are still punishing me for it.

I'm sorry I don't like spinach, asparagus, guava, hummus or Pepsi.

I'm sorry you don't see how much you've hurt me, for how I've hurt you, for no longer trusting you, for still trusting you, for saying things I shouldn't, because you say things you shouldn't.

I apologize for being overweight. I'm sorry you don't like your body and feel the need to make me feel bad about mine.

I'm sorry I don't wear make-up or paint my nails. Sorry I don't know what's hip.

I'm sorry you make too many passive-aggressive comments.

Sorry my house isn't immaculate and that I've never had a home big enough to keep a guest bedroom.

I'm sorry for when my children misbehave and you judge me as their mother.

I'm sorry I don't agree with your politics, that I think everyone should be treated fairly, each of us has value and I don't think the death penalty is cool.

I'm sorry you piss me off. I'm sorry I piss you off.

I apologize if I don't live up to your expectations, if who I am bothers you.

But then again, all these things make up ME and maybe I'm not sorry for any of it. Maybe you should be sorry.

I opened up a new post and this is what
came out in response to Eden's prompt:
Sorry? Spill.

TGIF: Coffee Lovin' Edition

Today I kind of literally have a treat for you. A treat in the form of a guest post about something that makes me happy: coffee! And a treat in the form of a yummy coffee recipe from the Coffee Lovin' Mom herself!

Amy is a sweetie from the Chicago area who is passionate about coffee. Every Friday she hosts Coffee Chronicles where she, with the help of former Starbucks store manager, the robot mommy, highlights all things yummy about coffee. And I'm so happy Amy agreed to bring the Coffee Chronicles to my place for this week's...

* *

So excited to be able to bring our usual Friday coffee chronicles to Just Jennifer!  Besides that, it's my blogoversary today (2 years) and I'm taking the day off!


There was one drink we tried back when we did The Coffee Party back in December that was never featured because sadly it got lost in the vault.  So today I dug it out for Jennifer as she requested a coffee recipe for her coffee lovin' readers. I hope you all enjoy - this was really an easy recipe and of course the coffee depends on your taste.  We used espresso, leaving out the orange peel.  I never got the orange chocolate attraction in the first place, some people love it so try it both ways.  With coffee it never hurts to experiment....

Cafe Borgia (hot)

1/2 cups strong Italian coffee

1/2 cups hot chocolate

Whipped cream

Mix coffee and hot chocolate

Top with whipped cream and orange peel

Thanks for having me Jen!!

* *

Mmmm... Easy-peasy, right? I actually mix coffee and hot chocolate all the time and call it a "homemade mocha"!

Thanks for sharing, Amy!

Coffee is something that makes me HAPPY, but what makes YOU happy?

Comment or post, grab the TGIF button and link-up!

Source: claremontglitter.blogspot.com via Girlfriendology on Pinterest

The Mechanics of a Kid's Bedroom

So I have two children. A girl who is 11 1/2 and a boy who is 6. I love Camryn and AJ very much.

But they are kids and they suck at keeping their rooms clean.

This is no big shock. Only exceptional children like I was are capable of, or give a damn about, having a clean bedroom.

But I am inherently a hopeful person. Especially as my kids get older, I have the hope that this indifference to cleanliness will magically morph into, at the very least, a healthy respect for their own things and their own space.

And of course I MAKE them clean their rooms when I can't stand it anymore. In fact, that's part of what has led to this post.

Cami decided she wanted to rearrange her room. She no longer wanted her bed all the way up against a wall. a sure sign of some maturity, I thought. AJ had actually said something about wanting his bed elsewhere at some point before, but I dismissed him, saying the space his bed was in was exactly where it was supposed to be and it wouldn't fit right anywhere else.

I take my kids seriously only when they won't let go of an idea. If they keep asking, keep talking about it, then I know I should pay attention.

When we moved into our house, we painted two walls in each of their rooms and got them all set up, like so:

AJ's room

Camryn's room - we did get her some curtains too

Both beds are up against walls. Most kids like this arrangement because the wall offers a sense of security. At least they won't fall out that side! Also, it maximizes floor space for playing.

But for Cami, under and behind her bed have always been great places to hide crap, to shove things when we ask her to clean her room. It's so aggravating! For AJ, who loves to toss things around, many things have fallen down the side of his bed.

Back to the rearrangement. We had the kids clean their rooms and made an agreement that if they kept them clean all week, we'd rearrange on Sunday, when Mark had the day off. Much to our surprise, they held up their end of the bargain. When my dad called and offered to take them to see a movie, Mark and I decided to surprise them and move their furniture while they were gone.

I don't know why I was so shocked by what we discovered when we moved their beds, but I was. SO MUCH SHIT!

Not literally feces. My kids aren't that gross. But a massive amount of odd little things. Some not so little, actually. Like under Camryn's bed, she had pajamas and towels shoved under there.

I was remiss in not stopping to take pictures of all the crap, but I just wanted it GONE.

Legos, pens, pencils, coins, hair things, pajamas, stuffed animals, pillows, blankets, little army men and TRASH. Why oh WHY can't my children put trash in the can??

Ignorance is bliss, I tell you!

So this is what their rooms look like now:

AJ's - not right up against the wall because of the heater vent under the window
(sorry about the lack of picture quality)

Bed no longer in the corner

Nice big gap between bed and wall

I took more pictures of Cami's room and wanted to specifically point out the gap between the bed and wall because now she cannot shove shit and hide it. I am now completely convinced that parents should NOT put beds in corners up against walls. It's like inviting the child to hide stuff in order to create the illusion of a clean bedroom.

AJ knew he had dropped his Nintendo DS stylus down beside Cami's bed, but he didn't want to go searching for it because it was too scary down there!

Man, I wish I had gotten a picture of the heap of crap she had shoved there! Have I talked about it enough to make an appropriately disturbing image in your head?

Please, I implore you, learn from my mistakes:

• DON'T arrange beds up against walls.
• DO clean under and around beds more often.
• DON'T take a child's word that they didn't shove crap somewhere.
• DO accept that they do not care and probably never will, but it's your job to MAKE THEM!

Now, if I could only get them to hang up their wet towels without me screaming at them about it...

Why This Non-Practicing Anglo-Catholic Observes Lent

**This is in no way meant to be preachy. I do not believe in proselytizing. It is mostly to help clarify something for myself, more than others.

I was Baptized, Confirmed and married in the Anglican Catholic faith, all by my own choice. My children were both Baptized Anglo-Catholic.

The other word for Anglican is Episcopal. Some lovingly refer to it as "Catholic Lite". It stems from The Church of England, the brain child of Henry VIII (yeah, the crazy divorcing and beheading king). However, the Anglo-Catholic faith in America today is quite far removed from the C of E, albeit still rooted there.

The reason for the "Catholic Lite" moniker is that the rites, traditions, ceremonies, symbolism and basic theology are all very much Roman Catholic, with a few digressions. The two most important differences are that Anglicans do not follow the Pope or the Vatican (the Pope's refusal to grant King Henry an annulment from Katherine of Aragon is the reason he pulled away from Rome) and do not believe in the theory of Transubstantiation, that the bread and wine actually become the body and blood of Christ. Anglicans believe in a mystical "real presence", instead. Also, Anglican clergy can marry.

Enough of the theology lesson. I became acquainted with Anglicanism when I met Mark, who had chosen to be Confirmed and practice that faith. When we met I was thirsting for spiritual guidance and sustenance, so I explored and got to know it, and fell in love with the pomp and circumstance. I love the rich tradition, symbolism, "smells and bells" and yes, Christianity in general. I have been drawn to Christianity my whole life, without ever being taught to. We attended a church in The Anglican Provence of Christ the King for the 9 years we lived in the Bay Area. However, there is not a church in the same body near our home here in Washington, so going to church has fallen by the wayside, while our Faith has not.

One of the disciplines I came to admire and respect is Lent. It is the 40 days leading up to the most important event of the Christian belief, the Resurrection of Christ, or Easter. Lent is meant to be a time of preparation for this blessed event, a time of discipline and sacrifice, for prayer, fasting and reflection.

Because I believe in who Jesus Christ was, his purpose and what he went through, I feel Lent is kind of awesome. Most people complain about not eating meat on certain days, not going to so many social events, or that it's just plain somber and morbid. I completely disagree. I mean, if anything in the Christian year is somber or morbid it's Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Pentecost.

I appreciate Lent because it's just one small thing I can do to express my faith in God. I am far from perfect! Heck, I don't even attend church anymore. But my faith is still strong, I still pray, I still BELIEVE. My ideas about how to practice faith, as well as what having faith means, have changed and evolved over time, but Lent is just what it is. It doesn't need to change or evolve. The sacrifice made by Jesus eons ago inspires me to make the small sacrifices Lent calls for. It's the least I can do.

So yeah, I'll give up meat on Wednesdays and Fridays, I'll pray more and try to quietly sit and be more reflective. I often also choose something else to give up for the duration. My biggest vices are coffee, wine and desserts. And I've given each one up in years past. I think this year it will be desserts. But thank the good Lord I get Sundays off!

Because God is often something people are afraid to talk about.

It's Two - Two Posts in One!

First, I'm a guest over at at Paul's The Ossington Kitchen for his Social Media Series.

Did you know February is Social Media Month in the Kitchen? Well it is!

I worked pretty hard on my post and would love it if you guys went and read and commented!

CLICK HERE for the #411 on Twitter

AND


I have a Girlfriend Guru post up over at Girlfriendology about seizing the day. Leap Day, that is!






CLICK HERE for that post!
Oh, and if you "like" this post, I could win a VISA gift card!

I don't wanna! You can't make me!

This week's Listicle topic was chosen by Wendy at Twisted Domestic Goddess and is 10 things I would rather do than clean the house!

Since I'd rather do almost anything than housework, this should be easy-peasy.

That was said way back in 1966. Huh. So true, yet there's still so much guilt if our homes are messy. We moms (or just women in general) really need to cut ourselves some slack. Cleaning is not the most important thing in the world! Yes, it's gotta be done, but I don't believe we need to break our backs. Staying up til midnight should be spent watching TV, reading or hanging with the hubby, not folding that last load of laundry. You can do it tomorrow. Balance, people!

So, instead of cleaning my house, I'd rather*:

1. Watch TV

2. Knit/crochet**

3. Read

4. Go do something with a friend

5. Have "family movie night"

6. Blog

7. Tweet

8. Go for a walk

9. Take a bath

10. Talk to Mark while watching Top Gear or reruns of Family Guy


*My house is not a disaster. I do clean it.


**By the way (Jim), I'm working on knitting my second legwarmer.

BB2G Hearts Carnival!

I wrote a post for Band Back Together's February Hearts Carnival and it has just been published!

It's about Mark's heart problems and how sneaky a heart attack can be.

Go read it, OK?

CLICK HERE

Homies

The exceptional Australian blogger, Ms. Eden at Edenland, has started a weekly meme.  She calls it...



...and she asked, about blogging:

Tell me why we do it? Who are your favourites .... your tribe, your people, the ones who talk your language? Who resonates with you? Your homies, your peers, your posse?

Well, I think there are many reasons why we blog. The SITS Girls' 31 Days to Build a Better Blog just wrapped up and one of the biggest tasks was to develop an "elevator pitch" (see Wiki for what it is). After much thought, asking around, consulting my label cloud for what I seem to write about most and fixing my grammar, I came up with this:

As the wife of a Type 1 Diabetic on dialysis and mother of two, life isn't always easy, but I sure do love the people in it! I blog for free therapy, social and neural stimulation, and to maintain a sense of self while tending to the needs of my family. It is also my hope that I might be able to shine a light into the world. My life is a roller coaster, and I'm blogging my way through it all!

That is the short answer to why I blog and what my purpose is. I also have a more long-winded answer on my Me & Why I Blog page. I think the sentence in bold explains why pretty much every mom blogger does it.
Eden is one of my favourite favorite bloggers. She resonates with me. She and I haven't had the same struggles in life, but I don't think that matters. People who have struggled with anything are generally way more interesting and real than those who haven't. Eden is really effing real, and I admire real people.
I adore Band Back Together for the same reason - people who struggle. And really, that's most people. 
I read Eden's fellow Aussie, Lori at Random Ramblings of a SAHM, because it's like ripping a bandaid off. She is a young widow and her posts are raw, and again, real. I recently admitted to my friend Jessica that I read her because of my fear of becoming a young(ish) widow too.
While I'm turned on by authenticity, I also love to laugh, read differing opinions from my own, learn new things and look at pretty pictures.
My most ardent supporters, most frequent commenters, my tribe, my most tweeted with tweeps, are @FoxintheCity_J, @SarcasmGoddess, @MotherhoodTruth, @coffeeluvinmom, @MyBelovedAdoria, @MomRocksMeals, @NorthWestMommy, @DonutsMama and @AskDocG. Also, I would be remiss if I didn't mention Erica at yeah write (@yhwriteme) for the awesome bloggy community she is building and all the tweeting of our posts that she does.
Please see the Blogs I Read down at the bottom of my sidebar for more awesomeness!
What I've observed about blogging is that people have stuff to say and the internet has provided a platform for them to say it. I'm continually astounded by how much I apparently have to say! The great thing about it is, that anyone can blog. It's utterly equal opportunity. What happens after you start, where you go with it, is all up to you and how much effort you want to put in; whether you want it to just be a hobby, something more or a little of both.
The bloggy world is our oyster!

source

TGIF: Randomly Happy Edition

Welcome to....

Today I shall present a list of random things that made me happy this week. Because, well, just because!

1. First, last Sunday I watched the Anderson Cooper interview with Adele on 60 Minutes and was so relieved to learn her vocal chord surgery was a success, her voice is fine, better than before if that's even possible, and she would be performing at the Grammys! She was so stinking cute in the interview too.

Photo: Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

2.Six wins! Adele won all six of the categories she was nominated in - the TOP six! Her wins showed that God-given, natural talent and simple, pure performances can shine through all the glitz and over-the-top antics of other "artists" {cough} Nicki Minaj {cough}. Adele's Grammy performance of "Rolling in the Deep" was perfection; she even let out a little giggle or squeal right at the very end because she had been so nervous. I just cannot say enough about that girl. Love, love, LOVE her!

3. We got our tax return. Yay, woohoo money, right? Yeah, not so much. Because of that little problem with Mark's secondary insurance I told you guys about last month, we had to use our return to pay off the car, which will free up that money to pay the premiums. Not only that, but the car decided it needed work RIGHT NOW, which takes another chunk. BUT, I'm happy about the timing of it all and the relief of working out a way to pay that bill.

4. I got to do some shopping All.By.Myself, and add a little to my stay-at-home momdrobe. New yoga pants and plain t-shirts!

5. I love the picture of my big fat kitty-witty, Julius, that I posted on Wednesday. He is SO going on a diet, though!

6. That you guys don't seem to mind when I write a post like I did yesterday. Honestly, if you did mind, I'd have to tell you to get over it (MY blog - you think you can do it better, just go on ahead with your bad self!). But I truly appreciate that you get it, and are even happy that I said what I did.

7. February sweeps! This week's Castle ended in a very exciting way, and Revenge had an interesting twist I did not see coming. And then we had a Grey's Anatomy/Private Practice crossover event last night....ah the drama! Oh, and I watched some of American Idol's Hollywood Week and heard a couple of stellar performances.

8. A new bloggy award! My bacon-loving friend The Sarcasm Goddess has passed on the Kreativ Blogger Award to me....

Isn't it pretty? So now there are these things I'm supposed to do as an award recipient:

1. Thank & link back to the person who gave you the award. (Isn't it funny that we have to remind adults to use their manners?)
2. Answer the form questions below.
3. Share ten random facts / thoughts about yourself.
4. Nominate (at least) 7 other blogs for the Kreativ Blogger Award.

Favorite song:
My all time faves are The Rose and Over the Rainbow, but currently, anything by Adele. Obviously. OMG, what if she sang The Rose or Over the Rainbow? I'd die!

Favorite dessert:
Ice cream

What ticks me off:
Where do I start? Right now this very minute, my kids fighting. I really hate lying liars who lie. The fake and the flakes both irritate me as well. When people on reality shows don't do what I think they should. Oh, and when news reporters try to report the news before they even have any facts. Because then they say things like "alleged" and "unconfirmed" and "what we think happened" and this in NO WAY helps me.

When I’m upset, I:
Depends on what I'm upset about. I might cry. I might get irritable. I might sit and stew. I might need to call someone. I might blog. I'll probably need a glass of wine. Or all of the above.

Favorite pet(s):
Kitties!

Black or white:
Black.

Biggest fear:
Um. I have a lot of fears. My very biggest fear? Losing a child.

Everyday attitude:
The Sarcasm Goddess said, "Oh you know, being awesome", and I'm gonna go with that too.

What is perfection?
SG also said, "Well according to Pink, I am F*cking Perfect and she seems like a really wise gal, so I'm going to trust her." I agree with this too.

My guilty pleasure:
I'm gonna go with watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette. My husband cannot stand these shows and has to bite his tongue hard when they're on. He thinks it's actually immoral how these people are going about dating a bunch of people at once. I see it as intensive speed dating. I'm a hopeful romantic and I can't help it! So sue me.

Alright, I've accepted the award and answered the prompts. I think it's a little redundant to also list 10 random things about myself. And in the light of the recent chain letter blogger tagging fiasco that recently ensued, I really feel like I've done enough of this for now. However, I will list 7 bloggers whom I would like to pass the Kreativ Blogger Award on to.

1. Anything But, and Then Some
2. MyBelovedAdoria
3. Mom Rocks Mealtime
4. Craftarrific
5. Life Ever Since
6. Bees With Honey
7. My Suitcase Full of Tricks

Phew! That's a whole lot of happy, isn't it? Please tell me you've got some happy to share too!

Grab the button and link-up the HAPPY below!

There will be swearing...

I don't write posts from a place of anger very often. But man, I'm doubly angry right now!

Josh Powell. Things just went from bad to worse with this guy and I wish he was still alive so I could kill him!

I'm not sure how much national or world airtime this story has gotten. Unfortunately it is a HUGE local story.

On Sunday, February 5, this bastard killed himself and his two little boys by blowing up his house.

If that's not bad enough, he first told his son Charlie that he had a surprise for him and then took a hatchet to the two boys before setting the house fire that killed them all.

That last part, about the hatchet, makes me want to hurl.

Josh Powell had lost custody of his children in the aftermath of his wife's disappearance in Utah 2 years ago. What ultimately led to his losing custody was his father's interest in child porn, whom Josh and the boys were living with.

The boys' mother's parents had custody of them, but that day was a scheduled supervised visit. A social worker took the boys to see their father, who let them in and then slammed the door before the social worker could enter the house. The poor woman heard crying and was helpless as she witnessed the explosion and fire.

Before he set his plan in motion, Josh Powell left messages with family and friends expressing that he just couldn't do it anymore and couldn't live without his boys.

This is where I get real angry.

Why the f*ck does this mean you need to take those beautiful boys with you? What the f*ck gives you the right?

Nothing gives you the right. Murder is wrong and a crime. You can't handle the way you've f*cked up your life? Go ahead and be a coward and kill yourself. But you leave those babies alone!

You selfish, ego-maniacal sonofabitch! I hope you rot in Hell!

What he was really worried about was that his sons were starting to remember things about the night their mother went missing. They remembered that she was with them when they left for a camping trip, they made a stop, and then she was in the trunk. One of them drew a picture of it.

This is one of the most God-awful, family tragedies I've ever heard.

And then. AND THEN!

Fred Phelps, Jr., stupid-ass, hateful founder of the Westboro Baptist Church got the bright idea to picket Charlie and Braden Powell's memorial service in protest against the pending legalization of gay marriage here in Washington state.

What the what? What the eff does one have to do with the other? And what a terrible, awful, disgusting lapse in all things decent! The only thing that stopped the protest from going forward was an interview that was granted to the church founder in order to placate him, in exchange that his group would not show up at the service.

I have been so angry about all of this. I don't give a crap what you're going through, there is NEVER a reason to harm innocent children. There is also no reason to callously use their memory for your own agenda.

Fuck you, Josh Powell. And fuck you too, Fred Phelps, Jr.

 In closing, I would like to suggest that Child Protective Services have male social workers take children to supervised visits with their fathers. Perhaps if a man had been there he might have had enough strength to break the door down. I don't mean for that to sound sexist, but how many women do you know who could break a door down?

2.) Just when you didn’t think things could get worse…how did they get worse?
(inspired by Confessions of a Semi Domesticated Mama)

I'm not fat. I'm poofy.

Photo credit: Jessica Morehead

Daddy & Daughter

For several years now a Father-Daughter Valentine's Dance is held in our town. Two years ago Mark and Cami went. They both got all dressed up and posed for pictures. I think they were both a little nervous. Mark because he was taking his little girl to her first dance, and Cami because she was the center of attention.

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Camryn is her father's daughter, no doubt about it. He was the one who wanted to name her that, a girly-fied version of Cameron, which his mom had almost named him. The day she was born, it was very obvious who her daddy was. Upon seeing her for the first time, our priest said, "Well, she's definitely not the milk man's child!"

But it's more than a family resemblance. Cami is so much like her dad, right down to her ADD (although he was never diagnosed). And now, she seems to have gotten an interest in cooking from Mark. I am proud of their father-daughter relationship because I know it is so important for a girl to have that, especially as she gets older. I know when I was a young girl I thought my dad was the best guy in the world. I also thought I could marry him when I grew up. So funny, the things we think when we're little.

So I dedicate this month's Memories Captured, as well as today's Quotable Bits and this week's yeah write, to my husband and my daughter.

Love....and Marriage

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day so the Monday Listicles topic is 10 Things Love.

Last year at this time I wrote a post about how I just don't expect much romance from Mark, and how I'm mostly OK with it.  Last week, for Did You Know?, I wrote about how Valentine's Day came to be.

As I'm sitting here writing this, my mind is on the loss of Whitney Houston, THE diva of my generation who sang some of the best love songs ever sung. The most memorable is obviously I Will Always Love You from The Bodyguard soundtrack. I cannot tell you how many times I turned that song up and sang at the top of my lungs with Whitney! That movie came out in 1992, the year I graduated high school and had my second eye surgery. I listened to that soundtrack A LOT. Don't even get me started on The Greatest Love of All, which I'm sure had a positive influence on many girls my age. And I know we all remember the single greatest performance of our National Anthem at Super Bowl XXV in 1991.

I couldn't help but be thinking about Whitney Houston when thinking about love. But this is a Listicle!

How 'bout....

It would be nice if my Valentine's Day went like this:

1. Roses

2. Jewelry

3. Fancy Dinner

4. Decadent dessert

5. Sex

My Valentine's Day will probably go more like this:

6. Dialysis for Mark

7. Housework for me

8. Kids' tutoring

9. Dinner at Red Robin for all 4 of us

10. TV

Yup, such is the life while raising a family. But it's OK, because I will be with the people I love the most, and that's what really matters.

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